Ashlyn's Birth Story

If you are interested in reading what happened last year the day of Ashlyn's birth, here is my birth story. Its long but I wanted to record it and share it with other women via MommyPotamus.

Thursday night, June 23^rd, I had a massive headache. Throughout the day, I experienced some pre-labor bowel issues as my body ‘cleared’ itself for labor. So, I assumed my headache was either from that or from the sinus infection and pressure I was suffering from the two weeks prior.  I made and ate some fantastic chicken fajitas and my dad, Dan and I played cards before bed. (I won!)

I went to bed fairly late that night because we were up playing and so when 3:00am came around and woke me up with cramps, I was tired but wired.  The usual time for me to wake and pee and get comfortable is around 2 so I was fine with this extra hour. My cramps were similar to heavy menstrual cramps and I got up to pee and see if that helped. The cramps would come and go so I assumed they were contractions so I started to time them. They were about 8 minutes apart but I didn’t want to wake Dan with some more false labor (as I did a week prior).  He needed his rest. I waited a while and prayed and dreamed about what this baby would look like. The cramps were staying painful, tolerable and steady so I checked the date on my phone: June 24^th. I went in to peek in on my baby girl, Ari and send her some kisses because I had realized that today would be the day we’d get to meet her baby sister.

Friday June 24^th.  So, the contractions stayed consistent all morning and I decided to take a shower at 4 and call my midwife, Damaris, at 5 to see what she wanted me to do.  I briefly mentioned to Dan that I thought this was it and he mumbled “okay, baby” and rolled back over to sleep.  I got out my ‘bring to the birth center’ list and started to do my hair. I had visions of my previous labor photos and remembered wishing I had straightened my hair.  (and looking back at these pictures, you can tell I ended up not caring and just labored with a mop-head!)

My contractions stayed between 6-7 minutes apart and were becoming increasingly more uncomfortable. After my hot shower, I laid on the bed to try to relax and calm my nerves.  This was the real deal and I was anxious but it all seemed in my control and surreal; so very different than my induced 2 day hospital birth with Ari. Dan helped me relax through some contractions with the body pillow.  We packed like a million little bags and made sure the camera was ready to go. 

I called Damaris at 5 and she said for me to keep timing my contractions and eat some food for energy. She had been at the birth center all night with someone else in labor. I was concerned that maybe I wasn’t really in labor and that she’d be exhausted. I knew that I would need her humble, quiet confidence today and hoped she’d be able to rest. When I came downstairs to get my food ready, I had some painful back contractions that Dan helped me through by pressing on my tailbone pressure points.  Oh the back pain…

We wanted to get down to the Birth Center before traffic was bad but we ended up leaving around 7:50.  Ari woke up and I got to say goodbye to her before we left her with my dad for the day.  She didn’t understand why I couldn’t pick her up and hold her when I kneeled down to have a contraction!  She was super cute and I missed her that day. At one point in labor, Dan showed me pictures of Ari and a few videos on his phone to help me stay motivated through the labor.  She was an amazing motivation.

Driving to the birth center was funny. I couldn’t get comfortable (duh, I was in labor) and I made Dan drive ten minutes out of the way so I could get a bagel AND go pee.  Phew. We made it around 8:35 and because I was unsure of how far along we were, I told Dan not to bring in the stuff.  I just wanted Damaris to check me and make sure today was the day.  Well, she did, “No, you are not going to the mall today, you are around 7, maybe 8 centimeters and totally effaced.” Hoorah! We would meet our baby that day!

The birthing pool was filled with warm water and my body pillow (and all my other junk) was brought in and I relaxed in various places and positions until things progressed. I had visions of a much faster route from 8cm to 10cm but, alas, lunch rolled around and nothing exciting was happening.  I tried walking around and even had a short adjustment from my chiropractor whose wife happened to be there for her appointment. 

The time between when we got there and when labor became intense was actually wonderful. Dan was an amazing coach and support. He put on my birth play-list and at times when I needed it most, I would here Peace Be Still or You Were Meant for This. I knew that he would be there for me but I didn’t realize how much I needed him and emotional birth would be for us as a couple.  I also appreciated his comedic relief and I believe that one of my coping mechanisms for the pain was in fact, laughter. We talked in between contractions and I made him laugh with my “cloudy with a chance of meatballs” joke pertaining to the water in the pool. Sick minds, we have.

We talked about names and he wrote down some options on a note card.  We talked with Damaris and I remember asking her to tell me 5 reasons why NOT to get an epidural (later when things got increasingly more intense). She, of course, gave me the right answers and reaffirmed my confidence in the natural birth decision. Thank God for Damaris! Dan and I joked back and forth and were trying to find ways to pass the time through the contractions. I was much more calm than I expected.. you could even say that I was having fun! 

Soon,the fun stopped. We had to get down to business here and have this baby girl.  We were waiting all along for my water to break and Damaris checked me to see if there was something I could do or she could manipulate (but we both wanted my water to break on its own, something I didn’t get to experience with Ari).  She told me that I was probably ready to start pushing and see if I could get my water to break that way.  She stayed inside to pull a cervical ‘lip’ during one contraction and with that, my bag of waters broke! 

When I pushed with Ari, I didn’t feel the contractions because I had an epidural. I was told when to push and for how long.  This time, I had to feel the contraction starting and push on my own accord.  Much more difficult than I expected and ‘stopping’ the pushing meant less pain so I would be fearful or give up because the pain was too intense.  I remember the girls telling me to switch positions because I was complaining of back pain.  Hands and knees, they said.  The most vulnerable position… in my opinion. So primal and animalistic.  I did and it really did help. In the pool, I was on my hands and knees and I would hold Dan’s hands as he would count me up to the ‘top of the mountain’ and back down through the contraction.  Such a motivation. 

Soon, I felt what is called transition (also known as balls-to-the-walls pain). All I know was that my confidence levels dropped to the lowest yet. Along with throwing confidence out the window, I threw out all self-awareness of my demeanor. I pushed with all I could muster and winced and cried in pain. I couldn’t care less what anyone in the room thought of me (which they didn’t, for goodness’ sake…they’d all been there).  I said things like “I can’t do this anymore.” “I don’t want to be here.” “I’m so scared.” Christine at one point, said “Just let her be born.” That was so helpful. I was not letting my body do the work at this point. I was holding back and fearing, regretting and restricting my body. 

I pushed for a total of 45 minutes probably, maybe more but it doesn’t matter. What matters is what happened next. Damaris, Christine and Lisa were so encouraging as I doubted my ability. They told me to get up and stand up to let gravity help me push the baby out. I felt really unstable like I would pull Dan into the pool with me. I honestly felt the ‘burning ring of fire’ that everyone talks about at this stage.  I think I pushed through maybe 3 contractions before her head came out. I reached down to feel it and as it burned and I pushed with all my might, Ashlyn came into this world screaming before she was even out (precursor to her feisty and opinionated personality). Her hands where up near her head causing me a lot of pain.  After I reached under my legs to grab her into my arms, I sat down in the water.  She filled her lungs with fresh Carolina air and wailed with that sweet sweet sound.  Our baby was here in my arms. 3:48 pm

I just looked at her, already forgetting the pain. Dan said “Hi Ashlyn Claire” as his eyes filled up with tears. His loving hands gently encouraging me as he brushed my hair out of my face. We did it!  I was too excited to cry and to in shock to say anything intelligent. I just marveled at the act that just occurred over those few hours since we had been there.  Ashlyn was perfect. She had so much hair and it was dark and soft! She had sweet fingers and long toes.  She seemed small at that point but I knew she had to be bigger than Ari was.  Dan and I just stared at her and let her cry knowing that this was all healthy and holy. Thank you God for our precious second baby.

I got out of the birthing pool and sat in the bed as Dan and I enjoyed those early hours of new life, skin to skin and attempting early nursing sessions.  We talked about Ashlyn and what she looked like and we sent texts to family to confirm her birth.  We were thrilled and exhausted but running on all sorts of new [hormonal] energy.  Around us was a whirlwind of quiet cleaning up activity.  We touched and photographed and loved on our new baby. All 7 pounds 10 ounces of her. 

Dan cut the cord after it was done pulsating, assuring us that Ashlyn received as much of my blood nourishment as possible.  The next details aren’t necessary but it is worth mentioning that one my fears in the natural birth path was post-partum hemorrhaging because I struggled with it with Ari.  I remember asking at Damaris at our first visit if they had the tools necessary to stop it.  They did and unfortunately, she did have to use a single thigh shot of pitocin to stop my bleeding before I passed the placenta.  No harm to Ashlyn, just one shot and some clean up crew for me. I felt better soon and my body started to heal much more quickly. We were home around 3 hours later sleeping as a new family of four.

Nothing seemed out of the ordinary for these Midwives and I felt amazing: empowered and enamored by my ability. The moments of self doubt had passed and I was filled with such intense energy and power.  I knew that I was created to do this and experiencing it with Dan is something that I will never forget.  Ashlyn, you have given me a renewed self-confidence and you brought our family closer together.  This was one of the happiest, more rewarding and spiritual days of my life.